Verbindend communiceren, hoe dan?
Hester Macrander
Connecting communication, how?
Conflicts cost valuable energy. Despite good intentions, contact can degenerate into endless hassle. How do you stand up for yourself constructively, so that the chance that you will be heard is high? How do you make a connection, even if you don't actually want to hear the other person's message? How do you prevent conflicts without sacrificing yourself? How?
From I to You to We
Connecting communication could also be called "liberating communication". From a strengthened self-awareness, autonomy, you can be clear about what is going on inside you and what you want, and from curiosity about the other(s) you can shape what is good for everyone. From I, to You, to We. It is in any case much more than communication: it is a rich philosophy, with a simple model and clear handles, that support you in shaping your life in relation to yourself and others. This book describes the background and model of Connecting Communication, how you can be creative with the techniques, how you can link them to other methods,
and how you can apply this in the art of living, at home and at work. A book for trainers, educators, HR employees, mediators, managers, educators, teachers, partners and others: for all interested parties in various functions and roles, who no longer want to end up in energy-consuming conflicts, or want to get out of them faster. For everyone who wants to contribute to us working together and living in a relaxed way.
Hester Macrander (1960) is an internationally certified trainer in Connecting (also known as ‘Nonviolent’) Communication. Originally, she is a theatre maker and has worked as a comedian and columnist. In 2006 she came in contact with this subject and now gives many training courses to individuals, professionals and teams. She also provides mediations and trains mediators. She trains new trainers. Originally a theatre maker, she likes to give lectures on how confusing communication can be and how to get out of it.
What readers say
★★★★★ Rated five out of five stars on the websites of publisher Thema and Managementbook.
"Although the book is filled with examples of difficult situations, it maintains a positive vibe… every example discussed includes a clear explanation and, crucially, a solution. A valuable book: the concepts it presents are well worth sharing, both at home and at work."
"Clearly written, with lovely illustrations that add clarity, and a pleasure to read. I wish this were taught as a subject in schools; the world would look very different if it were."
"I love the light writing style: down-to-earth and humorous, which makes the learning process truly inspiring. This book helps translate these concepts into everyday, accessible language."
"Hester has remained true to Marshall Rosenberg while clearly adding her own insights to the mix. I consider this book a must-read, especially given the times we live in."
- Read Peter Streefkerk's full review
Connecting Communication: How? A Valuable Book
By Peter Streefkerk for Managementbook, 31 July 2024Communicating well is hard enough as it is, let alone communicating in a way that fosters connection. It is often an overlooked aspect. The book Verbindend communiceren, hoe dan? by Hester Macrander might offer a solution: a way to take that step.
Positive vibe
Although the book is filled with examples of unpleasant or difficult situations, it maintains a positive vibe. This is partly due to the cheerful design and illustrations, but primarily because every example discussed includes a clear explanation and, crucially, a solution.
Whether that solution actually materialises depends on many factors, including your communication style, the message itself, the timing of that message, and your own behaviour and attitude.
Blending personal and professional
Connecting communication is useful in both personal and professional settings. The book addresses both contexts interchangeably. I find this approach effective; after all, who can keep their personal and professional issues 100% strictly separate? There is often overlap, and the two spheres invariably influence one another. It also demonstrates the universal nature of connecting communication.
Macrander has put her own spin on the originally American model, making the book even more applicable to our culture.
Structure of the book
In the first part, Hester Macrander addresses the subject of ‘connecting communication’ itself. She explains that it is more than just communication and describes the role empathy plays in it. She discusses how needs can clash and how to get a grip on interpersonal friction. Macrander concludes this section by outlining the essence of nonviolent (or connecting) communication. The second part elaborates on Marshall Rosenberg’s model. Macrander also explains how she has adapted it based on practical experience. This section highlights the feelings and needs that play such a crucial role in the model.
A multitude of personal challenges
In the third part, Macrander connects the concepts to personal challenges. And there are quite a few of them: dealing with oneself, setbacks, ‘difficult’ people, anger, resistance, boundaries, belonging (or not belonging), loss, conflict, and clashing needs.
As a reviewer, I fell into the trap of reading this entire section in one go, only to put the book down feeling utterly drained. It became a bit overwhelming because so many of the examples discussed felt incredibly familiar. My thoughts on the theory and my own practical experiences became intertwined, which is exhausting. It also made me realise why I had enthusiastically agreed to review this book: I have a personal need to learn more about connecting communication.
Final verdict
The reflections in the book serve as important anchor points; they really make you think. Moreover, you can put the potential answers into practice right away. Just be sure to do so in moderation. After all, reading the entire book in one go can be overwhelming: an overload of information that might actually hinder the success you aim to achieve. And that would be a shame, both for you and for those around you.
Verbindend communiceren, hoe dan? (Connecting Communication: How?) is a valuable book. After all, who wouldn’t want to cultivate an attitude based on positive behaviour towards oneself and others? The result is less hassle. Furthermore, the concepts it presents are well worth sharing, both at home and at work.
Verbindend communiceren, hoe dan?
Conflicten kosten waardevolle energie. Ondanks goede intenties kan contact ontaarden in oeverloos gedoe. Hoe kom je constructief voor jezelf op, zodat de kans dat je gehoord wordt groot is? Hoe maak je verbinding, zelfs als je de boodschap van de ander eigenlijk niet wilt horen? Hoe voorkom je conflicten zonder jezelf weg te cijferen? Hoe dan?
Van ik naar jij naar wij
Verbindend communiceren is werken aan een levenshouding waarin je besloten hebt te stoppen met negatief gedrag naar jezelf of anderen, om bij te dragen aan een mooier leven, vanuit wezenlijke inzichten. Het is veel meer dan communicatie: het is een rijke filosofie, met een eenvoudig model en heldere handvatten. Vanuit de verbinding met jezelf kun je helder zijn over wat er in je omgaat en vanuit nieuwsgierigheid naar de ander(en) kun je vormgeven aan wat voor ieder goed is. Van ik, naar jij, naar wij: het gaat om het creëren van een omgeving waarin iedereen tot bloei komt.
Dit boek beschrijft de achtergrond en het model van Verbindende Communicatie, hoe je creatief met de technieken om kunt gaan, kunt koppelen aan andere methoden, en hoe je dit toepast in levenskunst, thuis en op het werk. Een boek voor trainers, opleiders, HR-medewerkers, bemiddelaars, leidinggevenden, opvoeders, docenten, partners en anderen: voor alle geïnteresseerden in diverse functies en rollen, die niet meer in energievretende conflicten terecht willen komen, of er sneller uit willen raken. Voor ieder die eraan bij wil dragen dat we ontspannen samenwerken en -leven.
Met dit boek draagt Hester Macrander de theorie van Marshall Rosenbergs over nonviolent communication, of geweldloze communicatie onze tijd in. Meer verbinding is wat de wereld nodig heeft, op ieder niveau. In dit praktische boek vind je de eenvoudige stappen om te komen tot een omgeving met minder conflicten en meer ruimte voor jouw eigen behoeften én die van een ander.
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