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Susana Rusch

Language of Report: 
English
Year of Report: 
2014
Share My Report With: 
General Public (Including Certified Trainers and Certification Candidates)
A. Approximately how many training days did you have this year?: 
45
B. Briefly list the groups and organizations you worked with this year as a trainer.: 
Intermin (in The Hague, young professionals outsourced at different Ministries) Tax Lawyer (Noordwijk, near the North Sea), ProRail (builds and expands railway tracks in Holland, Amaranth (Tilburg, care company for people with a fysical or mental inability), Doctors practice (Utrecht, training the entire team of doctors & assistents), a team of (many foreign) bicycle-repair men in Belgium, U-Ball top-sports Basket ball trainers team AND the boys under 18.
C. Approximately how many people did you offer NVC training to this year?: 
250
D. What are you celebrating about your training experiences this year? What was significant for you? What touched your heart?: 
I celebrate growth, through pain and mourning in 2014. I celebrate the process of embodying this body more and more. I also celebrate the felt sense of Oneness (not 'just' connection, but actually Oneness) during one of my trainings, after being triggered and expressing myself honestly about that. Last but not least I celebrate being so experienced, that I can actually 'live it and apply NVC' under stress. What was significant to me was the insight that I could only break through the chain of self created suffering (disconnection in a group, because of old pain being triggered) by expressing myself honestly in that group. Another significant conclusion was that (for me) pain (I was not conscious of), born in my system many years ago in community, could only be (consciously) integrated within me in community. What touched my heart was a mystical and overwhelming experience of Oneness. For many years I had fully embraced the concept of Oneness mentally and spiritually, but August 2014 in Greece I could truly FEEL the Oneness in every fibre of my body and even notice how it influenced my perception (or maybe broke through perception and landed as direct knowing) as I saw all plants and trees, stars and people with new eyes, full of awe and amazement. A visceral interconnectedness. It was as if everything and everybody was talking to me in silence. The beauty and fullness of life was almost unbearable. I felt shaky.
E. Would you share some difficult experiences you had while training this year and how you handled them?: 
1 The inner jackal no mercy show During an Inspiration Session for 25 people I heard one lady say: “I'm really not inspired. I think what you are saying is childish and not professional. In fact, I'm thinking about leaving this room.” With nerves running around my body as wild animals, I said: “It sounds as if you are agitated and would like a more professional approach?” More frustration poured out. I said I was grateful for her wake-up call, as I noticed her honesty helped me to reconnect with myself and reminded me of not having been as connected as I had wanted, during my talk. I told her that I appreciated her authenticity, saying out loud what she was planning to do in order to enrich her life (I truly was not attached to her staying or leaving). Also I asked her what she meant by “not professional.” The puppets, she said. I felt relief, said some more things and the “ice was broken.” She stayed and we all had experienced a nice upbeat to exploring the 4 ways of listening. The most impressive and confronting learning insight though, was my inner jackal show, burning myself down without any mercy, once I was back home. My nerves were on the edge until I got feed back from the company. People were impressed by my response to this lady. Moreover, it was only during this telephone call that I understood that these Inspiration Sessions were not as much 'free choice' for participants as I had understood before... After this call I could relax and start to appreciate the lessons: the relief of having enough experience to give empathy and express myself honestly in front of a group when feeling stressed and tense. From seperation to Oneness To my surprise, 2014 unfolded as a year of meeting, processing and healing pain I did not know was there. Growing opportunities were offered to me by the Universe, sending female participants to my trainings with many stories and sentences I had heard as a teenager: “Oh, well, feeling...what is the use of feelings? They don't give any solutions. Why should I feel my fear, when I want to help my daughter?” The growing edge of dealing with (inclusive) leadership and staying connected at the same time (with myself, the pain and the group), culminated in August 2014, when I facilitated a summer training in Greece. Once more, the Universe had sent another talkative woman to my training, (I will call her) Kitty. Usually I easily interrupt participants, when they use more words than I think are helpful for focus or connection. But there in Greece I noticed that I was in pain, because of the automatic and split-second excuses I invented for not interrupting Kitty in her reactions and stories. By then I knew I was trying to protect something vulnerable in myself. At a certain moment I had guided Kitty, walking the self-empathy floor-cards. She started to melt and uncover vulnerability. Afterwards, as we were sitting down in a circle, I heard her say: “Oh, and by the way, DON'T come back to me later and DON'T talk about this again!” I was totally surprised and confused and decided to leave it for the moment. After 10 minutes, there was a coffee break. As I started walking, the MOVEMENT made it easy for me to digest what had happened. I decided if and how I would try to reconnect. After the break, as we sat down, I said: “Hearing you say those words Kitty, I noticed that old pain was touched in me and that this pain was disconnecting me from myself and hence from you and the group. At this moment, expressing myself honestly about that pain is the only strategy I know to reconnect. I really want to own my pain and not put it between you (all) and me. So... for the sake of connection, are 2 or 3 of you willing tell me what your heard me say or give me empathy?” I asked. When I got sympathy from Kitty I interrupted her in her story and said: “Sorry, that does not help now.” Then I received empathy “spot-on” and started crying. When I was calmer, another group member said how Kitty her words had touched him. As he had remembered what she had said WORD by WORD (I had not remembered her words, my pain had blocked the observation!) Kitty was very grateful for this clear observation, because sometimes people reacted 'so strange' after she had said something, and now she had gotten a clue why they probably reacted that way. The whole exchange had highly met her need for learning, clarity and understanding. As well as my need for connection, inclusion and wholeness. What happened was AMAZING: there was FULL connection, of a quality that had not been there before: deeper, more sparkling and glowing...and the turnaroun had begun after my honest expression. At that point I said I wanted to celebrate our connection, as this moment felt as serene and glorious. I asked one of the participants to get his guitar, so that we could sing together and celebrate life. I got feed back from more participants, about how much their need for authenticity, equality and 'power with' had been met by my honest expression. How I LIVED NVC. That afternoon, walking through nature, I had the overwhelming experience of Oneness, you can read under D "what touched your heart". The experience of Oneness was also overwhelming because I realized and FELT how extremely well and quick 'thoughts and judgements' had been trained to protect my most vulnerable inner ME and the pain around it. I realized this by noticing the order of insights: first I would become aware of the judgements and thought in my head, only after that I would become aware of the insight of how those judgements and thoughts (about others) must protect me from pain (while at the same time causing more pain and seperation), and only then, thirdly I would notice (or was able to feel) the deep pain that was covered by those thoughts and judgements. Only after FEELING this pain, connecting with that life force and expressing it in the same company where it was triggered, did I (and did we) notice that amazing connection, that Oneness. It was never so clear to me as that afternoon in Greece, that judgements and thoughts are an immediate 'protection AND disguise' mechanism of vulnerability...and so alienating me from connection with Oneness, my true Self. I now FELT it was ME being the only cause of seperation, of my suffering, of “dukkha”. I now FELT in my entire body what I had always mentally and spiritually understood.
F. How do you teach the spiritual basis of Nonviolent Communication in your workshops and training programs? : 
I guess I teach by being who I am. Walk my talk. By being the change I want to see in the world.
G. Please describe your social change goals...: 
For now, my 'Social Change Goal' will be my novel about NVC and my life, making NVC and Nonviolence accessible to as many people as possible in an easy way.
J. Please describe your efforts to create, or join, an NVC circle or organization.: 
I am both part of the Dutch speaking circle of NVC Trainers and the Dutch Certified Community Circle. As certified trainers we meet once half a year. My 'effort' has been: organizing 2 of these meetings. We inspire each other in all possible ways and brainstorm about how we can support non-certified colleagues to get certified, for example. Meanwhile the Dutch speaking circle of NVC Trainers (certified and non-certified) is growing rapidly. My 'effort' there is to have an interview once in a while, when a new member wants to join our circle and in this process is asked to have contact with 4 longer-term circle members. I am also part of the international Certified Trainers yahoo group. The amount of e-mails in English is overwhelming to me sometimes. At the same time I feel hope, space and energy with the New Future Process. My 'effort' there is that I take notes for the Structure and Governance Group, during some of their meetings. I really love that.
K. Summarize participants’ evaluations, and how their feedback resulted in new learning or growth for you this past year.: 
In general, participants' feed back doesn't support me more in learning and growth than my own feed back to myself. Their feed back DOES confirm my sense of connection, group-wisdom and accelerated learning (of all of us), once safety, connection and trust are experienced by all participants and myself.
L. What are your current growing edges or challenges as a trainer that you will be working on in the future?: 
In general, my ongoing longing for growth lies in qualities and competences I want to improve during trainings, like my stamina to give 4- to 5-Day trainings. I am working on this gradual growth of calmness, centeredness and emotional balance. A deeper and more specific learning edge is to offer myself time and space to connect with myself deeply, to have more confidence in my inner voice. The biggest challenge is to balance and guard my autonomy when collaborating with colleagues who are dear to me. Specially in those collaborations, my challenge is to deeply listen to my smallest irritations, take them serious and apply NVC right there and then. I will continue my work on the growing edge of deeply connecting to what I really want and honestly and regularly check if collaboration brings me joy and play or heaviness, 'have to' and excuses in my mind for the other person. My challenge is to honour myself and the way in which I want to spend my energy, specially in intimate relations (also with colleagues), without thinking I am 'hurting' the other person, or giving up believe in my own potential. My main challenge is to stay tuned to the wisdom, clarity and power that is always available, inside of me. To accept my power, potential and creativity, that I easily reach when I focus my attention inwardly. To TRUST that I can organize whatever training I want, with or without colleagues, and naturally will attract all participants I want, because I KNOW the unique contribution that I can offer. As long as I take care of this body, it's sensitivity and act upon its manual, as long as I trust in myself, the possibilities are endless.
M. If you found opportunities to work with other trainers this year, please share the most meaningful experiences for you.: 
The power of belief and enthusiasm May 2014 I invited David Weinstock (from the USA) to Holland, organized the venue and attracted 22 participants (including myself and my partner) to join his 5-Day training “Embodying NVC”. Meaningful is realizing how “effortless” this training became true, only because of me being enthusiastic about 5 minutes of video I saw on his website and believing in the offer myself. This is what I mean when I say “believe in myself”. Meaningful is also experiencing how a colleague works, knowing what I like about his way and my way of training. And that in trainings I like a clear connection between non-verbal and and verbal NVC. The power of collaboration When brain-storming for an upcoming training with a colleague, I celebrate the connection, the exchange of exercises and different approaches to the same exercises. They meet my need for co-creation, abundance, collaboration, variation, flow and learning. When actually giving the training together, the ease and support were meaningful to me, as well as our complementary qualities, living NVC and the flexibility.
N. Is there anything else you would enjoy sharing with the CNVC network?: 
December 2014 I started my own website and new company name: www.communicatiezin.nl (the Dutch word “zin” can be translated into: sentence, sense and meaning). Until then I had shared the company name with my partner in life and business Jan Carel van Dorp (The Dutch Center for great communication: www.ncgc.nl). I wanted more authenticity and autonomy, business wise. Besides I wanted to be seen, professionally, with a “face” of my own. Also I was longing for more flexibility than 'only' offering NVC and so made it possible to also offer my creative writing courses on my new website... Creating a website of my own has been part of a natural unfolding of growth and autonomy within partnership.
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