Victoria (Tory) Blue

Language of Report: 
Year of Report: 
Share My Report With: 
General Public (Including Certified Trainers and Certification Candidates)
A. Approximately how many training days did you have this year?: 
B. Briefly list the groups and organizations you worked with this year as a trainer.: 
"United Way of San Luis Obispo County","Morro Bay Yoga Center","Independent Living Program","Bikari Project"'"Grizzly Academy"
C. Approximately how many people did you offer NVC training to this year?: 
D. What are you celebrating about your training experiences this year? What was significant for you? What touched your heart?: 
I am celebrating my growth and expansion as a facilitator and just as a human. As I ventured into the new territory of sharing NVC with at-risk teens, I had the opportunity to grow a lot. This was scary, inspiring and expanding for me. What touched my heart the most was when a teen would share openly about an abusive situation or challenge, vulnerably or just express something to me and the group with naked honesty.
E. Would you share some difficult experiences you had while training this year and how you handled them?: 
The most difficult experience I had this year was handling the inner self-doubt that came up as I ventured into a new territory of sharing NVC with at-risk teens. At first, I often misinterpreted their propensity to cross-talk, look out the window, roll their eyes and generally appear to have more interest in one another than anything else. I had ample opportunity to look at what came up inside me and then go back and connect with the teens and see what was really happening. I also learned to balance connecting with the teens in real time while still offering them the structure and understanding of NVC. They kept me on my toes.
F. How do you teach the spiritual basis of Nonviolent Communication in your workshops and training programs? : 
I like to start my sessions with a ‘remembering’ such as a reading from Marshall or another spiritual teacher like Pema Chodron. I also start most sessions with a guided meditation with the intent to support participants to connect with themselves first before engaging in the class. I also often emphasize how the consciousness of NVC is not in the words.
G. Please describe your social change goals...: 
Pema Chodron says that one of the most difficult challenges for spiritual teachers in the west is penetrating the all pervasive cultural belief that they and everyone around them, is essentially ‘bad’. From my own experience personally and as an NVC facilitator, I have to agree with Pema. Personally, I notice when someone brings up a trigger that I was part of, I often have to swim through the internalized belief/fear ‘that I did something wrong’ before I can really hear them and not take it personal. I also see this tendency arise in my students frequently and I see this pattern as a major block to the momentum of real change. With all this said, when I think of social change, I am convinced that until conscious light and understanding is shed on this it will continue to erode any social change we want. This major inner block, when melted away will open the gates to a new paradigm that allows us to hear ourselves and other without making anyone wrong. I know this may sound simple but this is a major focus I hold to disintegrate this tendency. I see this as a lynch pin that when pulled will allow us to enter into another paradigm.
J. Please describe your efforts to create, or join, an NVC circle or organization.: 
I am part of a team of five that have been working together implementing the sharing of NVC to at-risk teens via a State Innovative Grant. I also have taken on an aspiring NVC Trainer assist with me for this project. The team of five consists of myself, another Certified NVC Trainer, Bob Metz, the director of United Way and two others. One thing I enjoy is how well our strengths compliment one another to make us a strong, effective team. This is also my joy as I realized this dynamic has allowed each of us to offer our gifts without pressure each of us to be ‘everything’. While two of us are supported to focus on facilitating, another focuses on networking, another on gathering data to report outcomes. One of the challenges is the additional skill set I need to use and deepen when I have someone less experienced assisting me in facilitating. Having an assistant, I not only facilitate the group but I am also mentoring and navigating sharing the facilitation.
K. Summarize participants’ evaluations, and how their feedback resulted in new learning or growth for you this past year.: 
The participants evaluations helped me to get a more accurate picture of what was actually happening. I noticed that this helped me to streamline effectively as things have progressed. I have come to understand that just because teens are crosstalking, looking out the window or other similar behavior, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are not interested or that they don’t want to be there. I also appreciated that written feedback offered a way for participants to share things they didn't feel comfortable sharing in the group and helped me to learn more.
L. What are your current growing edges or challenges as a trainer that you will be working on in the future?: 
My growing edges are internal. I continue to work on owning my gifts, believing in myself, cultivating gentleness toward myself and addressing my need for empathy. I notice the more I expand my offerings of NVC in the outer world the more opportunities arise for me to do my inner work.
M. If you found opportunities to work with other trainers this year, please share the most meaningful experiences for you.: 
Working with my friend, colleague and Certified NVC Trainer, Bob Metz was a rare gift. Although we have collaborated plenty, we never had an opportunity to co-facilitate. As the Innovative Grant started to take off we co-facilitated the teens together. This was new territory for both of us. I especially appreciated sharing the experience and the learning and growth that came from debriefing together.
N. Is there anything else you would enjoy sharing with the CNVC network?: 
I have found that as I have asked questions of myself as facilitator such as 'How do I share NVC in a way that it cultivates 'Natural Giraffe' versus the robotic repetition of the 4 components that often occurs (and seems to be a necessary step sometimes) when learning and practicing NVC? In attempt to answer this question I have started offering what I call NVC Deep Group. The premise is that in this empathy-starved culture, it is more likely for participants who have been doused in empathy, to be able to be in true empathy (It's NOT the words!!) with others easily and naturally. (versus 'doing empathy' as a rote exercise) So this is what I do - I douse each participant (maybe one or two each session) with empathy while with the other participants witness. The idea is when people are full enough (empathy battery fully charged) they will just naturally be able to be in empathy with others ... and will no longer be 'trying' to do empathy. The empathy session also includes role-playing and clarification on theory as the need arises. I also coach the witnessing participants to give honest giraffe feedback when requested. I have to say this experiment is the most fulfilling thing I have experienced as a facilitator so far. My participants are people who have a good understanding and appreciation of the principals of NVC and are deeply committed to the application of NVC in their lives. My present group has been ongoing for over a half year now and still going strong. I have started a second group with staff and management of an at-risk teen residential home this month.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication
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