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New here and have a burning question

Hi there - I am new here - a mother of 3 young adults - and in a relationship that is almost 2 years old.

I discovered NVC several years ago and found it to be a fantastic process - a natural followup to the Effectiveness Training and PET Courses I had done a few years (prior to the NVC Weekend Workshops and the great value I received from the book). In more recent times I have been living my life in a way that aims to not be making others responsible for my Happiness - in other words - loving Unconditionally - being happy no matter what another is doing or saying - seeing them through the Eyes of Source.

Is that compatible with NVC? is my burning question - my simplified version of NVC in memory goes - "When You ..........(Bhaviour etc) I Feel .........(the Not Good Feeling) and I would like you to .......(Change the behaviour/thing) so I can feel Better again.

Am I on the right track here?

Thank You

Suncat

Posted sam, 2009-03-14 22:40 by suncat11

suncat11's blog
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2247 lectures

Commentaires

I'm Just Learning This Too

by Annette Odell - 2009-05-30 05:08

Hi Suncat. I hear you say that you feel stuck and sense a reluctance to ask another person to meet your needs. Is this because you fear that asking another person to help meet your needs is the same thing as making them responsible for your happiness? If so, it seems to me there is a diffference; the "making another person responsible" thing only happens if you are unable to hear a "no" answer to your request. For example, it is fulfilling for me to ask my son to participate in the household chores, because this is part of the life we share. I would be setting us both up for conflict and unhappiness however if I said or gave the message that I cannot be happy/cannot love you/cannot enjoy our home unless you take out the trash.

I would like to share that I really struggle with asking people to meet my needs, and I persist with learning how to do it because I feel a richer person when I interact with others both giving and receiving. What a lonely and empty life it would be, even though independent if we could never ask or be asked for anything!
Any help?

Annette

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Try this, see if it is more fun.

by Pan Vera - 2009-03-16 19:17

I like it! The freedom you have when you get that no one besides you is responsible for your happiness. Yum, unconditional love.

But I am a little worried that your simplified version might not meet your needs, because you don't mention your needs.

Maybe, "When you........ (What you see, not what you think) I Feel ..... (could also be a Good Feeling?) And this is the part not to be missed, for it is at the heart of NVC, IMHO. Because I Need.....(a pure need, not related to the other person; like peace, or ease. or trust) and I would like you to ...... (suggest a strategy that allows both of you to get your needs met)"

You will feel better when your needs are met, so you are giving them a chance to make your life more wonderful, without making their life less wonderful.

Pan Vera

Pan Vera; IT Coordinator & Webmaster for CNVC

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PanVera Thanks for a

by suncat11 - 2009-03-28 06:25

PanVera Thanks for a wonderful reply - I am going to think some more on my question - take it out into the world a bit more and get back to you on it.

I am stilll a little stuck as it still sounds to me as if I am asking another to meet or help meet my needs thereby making them responsible for my happiness.

Just need some more ruminating time on this!

Cheers