Does knowing NVC mean ANY relationship can succeed?

At some point in my journey of learning and integrating Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I took on an unconscious belief that went something like this:

"If I know NVC, that means I should be able to make any relationship work. And if I can't, then that means I must be inadequate at using NVC." Eeeks! Clearly a jackal belief, if there ever was one! And I see how holding this belief would make it all that much more difficult to sustain intimacy and closeness in relationships.

As I became aware of this belief, I developed a new view on NVC and relationships -- that NVC supports us in meeting our needs in relationships, in that we are more likely to meet our needs, and our partners, with the skills and awareness of NVC.

Furthermore, NVC assists us to see whether a particular relationship will reliably meet our needs, or whether another relationship -- or no primary relationship at all -- would better meet our needs.

This was the breakthrough for me in getting beyond the "should" and "ought to" thinking. I can see now, how life could potentially be served the most by partners ending their relationship, if they can each get their needs better met apart than together... for whatever reasons.

Having said this, I do have tremendous trust that NVC can support couples in connecting compassionately and intimately with each other. I have experienced this in my own close relationships. And usually, when people break through the blame and criticism and enemy images, love flows more readily and harmony prevails.

It's just that I want to liberate myself from any notion that NVC "should" heal any relationship and that it "should" last a lifetime.

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