Le blog de jwbrown518

This weekend I am attending a training sponsored by the Mankind Project, an international men's organization that I belong to.

Lately, I have been appreciating the views expressed by Conal Elliot, a member of the NVC community who lives in San Andreas, California, which is about 2 hours east of the Bay Area.

   Last weekend, I led a 2-day NVC foundation training for 30 people in Kwan-ju, in the southern province of South Korea. There were 30 people in attendance, and aside from my interpreter, almost no one spoke English, and even the 2 or 3 who did, only spoke a little bit.

The lists of universal human needs that are widely circulated among the NVC community vary somewhat, but most contain the same 90%+ needs.

My assumption is that the original list of needs was created by the founder of NVC, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, and has been adapted and revised by various trainers.

There are a few needs that appear on some "needs lists" that are dubious as to whether they are actually describing a universal element of life for all human beings.

First, allow me to offer my own definition of "need" as we define it in NVC:

"A quality of life energy that arises from inside of me, and asks for attention and fulfillment. Needs are the basic building blocks of life that are required to sustain and enrich life. They are universal in nature, meaning that all human beings share the same needs."

So, here are a few so-called "needs" that I call into question:

On Thursday, I gave a 1 hour, 45 minute lecture to students at the International Christian University (ICU) in Tokyo. I was invited by Professori Mori, who teaches a class on international relations.

Hideayaki and Haruno, two of my Japanese friends, made this connection with ICU, and I am grateful.

(photo taken by Ken Anno-- thank you, Ken)

On my first full day in Japan, I led a day-long training at the Asian
Rural Institute (ARI), for 25 people from 12 different countries in
Africa and Asia.

All of them them, as far as I know, spoke
English as a second language, and because there were so many different
languages among them -- and because ARI's programs are all in English -- there was no interpreter.

At some point in my journey of learning and integrating Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I took on an unconscious belief that went something like this:

"If I know NVC, that means I should be able to make any relationship work. And if I can't, then that means I must be inadequate at using NVC." Eeeks! Clearly a jackal belief, if there ever was one! And I see how holding this belief would make it all that much more difficult to sustain intimacy and closeness in relationships.

This summer, I was interviewed by a local NVC enthusiast for an online newsletter. The article, written by Nancy Potter, is titled, "Changing Our Communication - Can It Really Change In Our World?"

You can read the article here.

I am happy that Nancy joined me and Rhonda Mills for a recent NVC training session in St. Louis, and grateful to her for writing this article!

Lately, I have enjoyed reading up on, and watching Youtube videos of, Brad Blanton. Blanton is the psychotherapist who developed what he calls, "Radical Honesty," with the byline, "How to transform your life by telling the truth."

 Over the past several months, I have noticed a phenomenon with people learning and practicing NVC regarding observation, one of the four primary components of the practice.

It goes something like this: the person practicing NVC establishes a clear observation to begin a dialog. For example, let's say Bill is practicing NVC, and his co-worker said to him, "Bill, there is no way that you are going to get this project done in time. You should give it to me because I can get it done."