jwbrown518's blog

At some point in my journey of learning and integrating Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I took on an unconscious belief that went something like this:

"If I know NVC, that means I should be able to make any relationship work. And if I can't, then that means I must be inadequate at using NVC." Eeeks! Clearly a jackal belief, if there ever was one! And I see how holding this belief would make it all that much more difficult to sustain intimacy and closeness in relationships.

This summer, I was interviewed by a local NVC enthusiast for an online newsletter. The article, written by Nancy Potter, is titled, "Changing Our Communication - Can It Really Change In Our World?"

You can read the article here.

I am happy that Nancy joined me and Rhonda Mills for a recent NVC training session in St. Louis, and grateful to her for writing this article!

Lately, I have enjoyed reading up on, and watching Youtube videos of, Brad Blanton. Blanton is the psychotherapist who developed what he calls, "Radical Honesty," with the byline, "How to transform your life by telling the truth."

 Over the past several months, I have noticed a phenomenon with people learning and practicing NVC regarding observation, one of the four primary components of the practice.

It goes something like this: the person practicing NVC establishes a clear observation to begin a dialog. For example, let's say Bill is practicing NVC, and his co-worker said to him, "Bill, there is no way that you are going to get this project done in time. You should give it to me because I can get it done."

Pain of unmet needs vs. Beauty of needs

Recently a colleague of mine from the Center for Nonviolent Communication -- fellow certified trainer Glenda Mattinson from Toronto -- posted two quotes that, to me, illustrates the difference between two orientations to practicing Nonviolent Communication.

I have been spending a lot of effort in the past few years attempting to make Nonviolent Communication (NVC) language more, "street friendly."

Today, however, I took time to appreciate how my need for beauty and elegance is frequently met by classical NVC language.

Don't get me wrong -- I do recognize the tremendous value of making NVC language accessible and free of jargon -- in order to connect with others by using words they are familiar with.

I spent 5 years of my life as a political activist and community organizer , ranging from the end of my undergraduate years at Bowling Green State University (Ohio) into my mid- to late-20s.

During this time, I ate, breathed and lived social change -- I found meaning in seeking to transform social and political structures that I saw as unhealthy and authoritarian. While these days I focus my social change efforts on sharing Nonviolent Communication, I still enjoy staying connected to others' efforts at creating change.

I attended a 2-day workshop by NVC founder, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, in Santa Barbara, CA in 2005. I was struck by something he said -- that if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn't call the process he pioneered, "Nonviolent Communication."

Immediately I recalled dozens of people who had said to me -- upon hearing me tell them about NVC -- something like, "I'm not a violent person, so that's not for me."

Ever since I saw Nonviolent Communication trainer Kelly Bryson animate the jackal and giraffe puppets in my first training in 1999, I have been captivated by the imagery and the FUN the puppets have brought to my learning.

I must say, I particularly enjoy wearing the jackal puppet when I play around in trainings, for example when I do role play examples or pretend to "jackal myself" (judge and blame myself, or imply there is something wrong with me).