Does NVC lead to endless discussions that go nowhere? (Jeff Brown)

Sean
and I were friends in the 1990s and we were both part of the Student
Environmental Action Coalition and involved in environmental activism.

Here is what Sean wrote:

>
SEAN: OK, Jeff- I'm joining this group, bringing a communication
degree, 20 years of non profit work, and a nagging skepticism born of
frustrations with dysfunctional communication patterns in the non
profit community. In my experience, communication processes in
leftist/consensus communities are inefficient and too easily
manipulated by minority interests in group settings- and they USUALLY
only work when when everyone is on the same page, which is rare.
Convince me that there's a different way.

And my response:

JEFF:
Sean, I hear what sounds like a lot of frustration about communication
in the nonprofit community, and you're a bit skeptical about this work,
concerned that it's just "more of the same"... yes?

My
experience is similar -- too many drawn-out meetings where little gets
accomplished, other than people stimulating and irritating each
other... and then what we're left with is either to engage in endless
dialogue, or else the people who have power to make decisions just make
them, despite a lack of cohesiveness in the group. Sound familiar?

After 5 years of activism, I burned out on this kind of thing, myself. I felt hopeless and discouraged, to say the least.

When
I was exposed to NVC, it rocked my world. It showed me how to "cut to
the chase" and express myself authentically and effectively, and to
further connection and mutual understanding.

NVC (Nonviolent
Communication, the formal name for this process) is not an imperative
to dialogue endlessly, nor is it a rehashed version of consensus.

It's
more a set of principles and skills that we use to track what's
important to us in the moment -- something in NVC we refer to as,
"human needs."

We trust that when we can be aware of, and
connected with, our own and others needs in each moment, things will
flow and we'll move forward in fulfilling everyone's needs.

Let
me clarify what we mean by needs in NVC: universal qualities that live
in each human being, regardless of race, class, gender, time or place.
Things that we all yearn for and move toward, like security. Community.
Meaning and purpose. Growth. Love. Affection. Rest.

The idea
is that anyone who shows up at a meeting, or gets involved in your
organization, is doing so in order to fulfill or experience their own
needs. And the more you can be aware of those needs, and communicate
your understanding of the needs, the more likely those needs can be met
with effective strategies.

Likewise, the more you can be aware
of YOUR OWN needs in a given situation, the more likely you are to be
able to communicate those needs powerfully and effectively, and again
suggest effective strategies that get all the needs met.

So,
there is no imperative in NVC to talk and talk and talk endlessly --
instead, we operate with a moment-by-moment needs awareness, that
guides us in how to respond.

Having said that, however, using
the communication principles of NVC greatly increases the likelihood
that whatever words we DO use, will be received and understood by
others.

For me, NVC is not a rehashed version of dozens of
"effective communication" methods circulating out in the world. Rather,
it's a profound paradigm shift, something that enables me to speak from
my heart, listen with deep empathy, and move beyond all of the endless
babbling that ordinarily takes place in group communication.

I'll
pause here because I want to stay connected with you in this. How is
this for you to hear? What comes up in you reading all of this? NOTE:  You can follow this discussion here.